Saturday, May 23, 2009

Still Missing Dooley

I have had Uncle Mike on my mind a lot for the past week. It doesn't matter what I am doing, he pops up and I have that instant good feeling and then it hits me he is no longer on this Earth. I have had loved ones and friends that have passed on but none had left such an emptiness in me. I can't even describe how I loved to see him, my excitement, he was just that special uncle. I remember walking in to Dooley's on many occasions and he would give that quick smile, say hello, then go back to whatever he was doing at the time. That was fine with me. I remember sitting and talking with him, his long legs crossed and a cigarette in hand, I wish I could see that one more time. I always feel better sitting graveside, I place a lit cigarette on his headstone (whichever letter will hold it up), I light one for myself and I have a smoke with Mike and I talk to him, tell him how my life's going and of course how much he is missed.

For those who loved Mike, I know we are still mourning, maybe not like the first year but we still have the Dooley emptiness. I love him, I didn't tell him that enough but I know he knows. Suicide leaves us with some many questions that will never be answered, it breaks my heart that he was feeling so much pain that he had to walk away. My kids and I dealt with it twice that year just a few months apart, two people that we were very close to.

Mike, I know the Summerlands have welcomed you with open arms and you are figuring out what your life meaning was. Hopefully now you can see all the support and love you had around you, we would have helped anyway we could, you are that special to us. I will see you again, I can't say when that will be but I know you come to me in dreams and they are the best dreams I have, I am always fighting to stay asleep so I can have that extra time with you. I love and miss you, you are remembered forever!

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